Comments on: Setting Social Boundaries at Work

By: Thomas

Thomas — Mon, 15 Aug 2022 13:36:04 +0000

I really like the concept of good intent for both parties, and it’s learning by doing. Related to the entry phrase, I would avoid generalizing, I would focus on my personal experience, instead.

By: Teresa

Teresa — Fri, 12 Aug 2022 15:33:11 +0000

In reply to Teresa. *wasn't

By: Teresa

Teresa — Fri, 12 Aug 2022 15:32:13 +0000

Follow-up question: What if the oversharing weren’t taking up so much time it influenced productivity? What if it was just uncomfortable that the person’s boss was sharing too much about her personal life?

That does seem like a problem — a manager forcing employees to listen to more personal information than they would ever share with her/him themselves feels like an abuse of power.

Although it would be somewhat more tolerable if it didn’t influence my ability to do my job, I would be uncomfortable in that position anyway.

By: Dr. Dennis O'Grady

Dr. Dennis O'Grady — Thu, 11 Aug 2022 16:19:38 +0000

Emily-What a caring, thoughtful, and communicative way forward you’ve described about a highly sensitive matter. As a psychologist, a frequent complaint is about the friend/family member/parent/sibling who talks “too much” and doesn’t pick up on the social cues to ease up. Rarely, if ever, are they provided the good growth feedback that you are advising. Well done!

By: Nancy

Nancy — Thu, 11 Aug 2022 07:35:01 +0000

This is a very enlightening article. I can see there can be a fine line in defining your intent for the other person. It is probably easy to trick ourselves into thinking we are sincere in coming up with a good intent for them, but really it’s contrived to make us feel good. It’s a good reminder to really spend some time thinking about it and trying to find an honest good intention for the other person before moving forward with the conversation. For me, I am thinking that simply this reminder to do that will help open the heart to finding goodwill and holding that good intention. Thanks so much for this.

By: Erik

Erik — Thu, 11 Aug 2022 01:19:00 +0000

In reply to Tara Prakriya. Sounds good if they actually read that book and that script was sincere. Otherwise it seems off.

By: Renee

Renee — Wed, 10 Aug 2022 16:57:34 +0000

These are interesting ideas. I have this issue with co-workers. We work in cubicles, and it’s easy for someone to pop their head over the side to just say “hi” and then start a long conversation. I’d like to share a couple things I do to help limit interruptions. If I’m on my computer, I turn my head without changing my body position, say “Hi!” with a smile, and turn back to my screen. If they try to start a conversation, I let them know I’m working on a project that really needs my attention. If they really want to talk, I offer to take a walk with them on my next break. For those times I don’t want to be inturrupted, I have a sign that says “teleconference in progress” on one side and “working on a rush job” on the other. I post the sign at my cubicle entrance, put my headphones on and turn on some music so I’m not easily distracted. I can’t bring myself to tell people I find their chitchat distracting because I do like visiting with them but only on my breaks.

By: Tara Prakriya

Tara Prakriya — Wed, 10 Aug 2022 15:03:09 +0000

My script in this situation would be a bit different. I think it’s important to acknowledge the employee’s role in the current pattern of enabling, rather than conveying this as primarily something that the manager needs to change. I would do something like this:

Since manager has already given “permission” to talk about personal things, when manager comes by:

Employee pulls out phone and starts timer for 5 minutes

Employee says
“Hey! I just read “getting things done” because I found now that traffic has returned and life gets compressed again, I have to be much more deliberate about my time allocations. I realized I wasn’t actually getting enough work done at work which caused spillover at home which is causing all sorts of stress with my family which is making us all a little short tempered with each other.

So, I’m going to make sure I get major blocks of focussed time at work. It’s going to mean that I will need your help to timebox our chitchat. What do you think? Timer of 5 minutes on non work related stuff with anyone? My idea is to be really hyper focused on discipline until my habit changes”

Manager responds
“Oh! That sounds intriguing! So you mean like actually pull out a timer?”

Employee responds
“Yup. Totally an artificial construct to start, but I need an external prompt or I don’t judge how much time has passed and then the crazy cycle of not getting enough work done at work starts again!”

—-

What do you think? Would this be effective?