Comments on: How to Shush Someone

By: Julinda

Julinda — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 14:15:00 +0000

I have a slightly different story. ☺ My family was watching a movie in a theater. Also in the theater, not far from us, but not watching the movie, was a group of young adolescents, They were chatting, laughing, and moving around. I finally said aloud, “Be quiet!” They did quiet down for a bit. Then as the noise rose again, I went out to speak to the manager. She came in moments later and miraculously the kids were quiet, as they’d seen me go out. I wouldn’t do this in church, but in a movie theater, where I’ve paid good money to watch the movie, I don’t hesitate to give a “Shhh” to adults or older kids being too noisy.

By: Marjorie

Marjorie — Thu, 30 Sep 2021 17:43:58 +0000

Advice like this could literally change lives. Several years back a man shot & killed another man in a movie theatre because he was angry about him texting during the previews. I think about that story a lot because they could have handled it differently so a little girl would get to grow up with her father and a retired man could live out his retirement with his family around him.

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 30 Sep 2021 16:41:18 +0000

These articles are gold and I learn from each one I read. This statement made in the above article is not true for me, “We all know when we should advocate for ourselves.” I suffer from childhood trauma. I’d love any advice on owning the internal dialog and the story you are telling yourself before it’s acted out.

By: Ron Slym

Ron Slym — Thu, 30 Sep 2021 05:29:50 +0000

In reply to Megan Capper. Bit hard if they are only 'dirty looking' but any verbal action could be met with"I am sorry, my son has Tourettes, he is trying to manage it, Would you try to ignore it and if it gets worse we will try to move"

By: Lynn Kearny

Lynn Kearny — Wed, 29 Sep 2021 20:38:36 +0000

Thank you for your columns. I have learned and applied skills found here. Recently we were eating at a restaurant and a young man with a loud voice behind me started telling about an incident where someone had damaged his new pickup. The voice grew louder as he repeated his tale in outrage and my husband and I couldn’t hear each other. On the third retelling, I realized I now knew what to do, and was only responsible for my actions, not his. I stood and walked quietly over to him and said, “Excuse me. I can tell you’ve had a very upsetting experience, and I sympathize. I have a request. Could you please lower your voice, just a little? I’m right over there and am having trouble hearing my husband speak. Would you be so kind?” I purposely didn’t look at anyone else at his table,just at him. He looked at me in surprise and didn’t respond. I thanked him and went back to our table. Surprisingly enough, he did moderate his voice, giving other people at his table the chance to respond sympathetically to his story.
When the party left, he spoke to us very briefly saying “Enjoy your meal”. I realize it could have turned out very differently. I respect his willingness to adjust in what was for him a heated moment.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Wed, 29 Sep 2021 17:43:55 +0000

Very thoughtful response! A great reminder that we always get to manage our response and the story we tell ourselves. And, we can still be kind, even if we don’t like the situation.
Kathy

By: nancyroundtuit

nancyroundtuit — Wed, 29 Sep 2021 17:31:12 +0000

Thanks so much, as always, so helpful.

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Wed, 29 Sep 2021 17:21:44 +0000

It is the subtly of how your team demonstrates practicing what you preach that keeps me coming back for more. “what the woman at the front of the room was preaching.” Including the fact that the preacher was a women, and thus exploding my sub conscious bias in my face, is so appreciated. Doubly so because it doesn’t feel like its trying to push or challenge anything, it’s just sitting there waiting for me to trip on it, or not. I have been a consistent reader for nearly a decade and probably every other post has one of these moments. Thanks so much for all the great work you do.

By: Megan Capper

Megan Capper — Wed, 29 Sep 2021 17:19:32 +0000

I just love reading your Q&A. This one hit home to me because I have Tourettes Syndrome and so does my son. His tics can be verbal or loud, like sniffing. It isn’t uncommon for him to get dirty looks which only magnify the tics. This is an incredibly stressful part of my son’s life and would be nice for people to understand not all noises can be managed. So thank you for your response.